Loving is fine if you have plenty of time

I guess sitting at home makes me want to blog. I don’t know what it is that makes me want to do it, but alas, here I am.  I am stuck in between the place of being awake for too long and having the whole shock of coming home.

I mean, the last time I was here, she was sleeping in the room next to me. She was running around the house with me and playing with Otis. But you know what? thats done with and the more I say that, the more I realize it.

I re-watched 500 days of summer the other day and there was a scene that I could totally relate with. It is when he is sitting on the bleachers and his kid sister comes over and says that he has over romantized the relationship and the next time that he ‘looks back’ into the relationship, to look for the bad parts.

I’ve been doing that lately and I do see a different picture. I know that I changed a lot in my life for her and at the time, I did it willingly. But at the same time, on this side of it, I can see how it hurt me. Now, would I go back and change things? No. No because everything I did, I did it because I believed it to be the right thing and it has brought me here. Here to this moment. Where I am. And I know that its cliche, but inspite all of the pain, I wouldn’t trade this for the world. Because I know that God has something bigger. something greater in store for me.

But in the mean time, I’ll keep working on myself, working on relying on God for happiness and my sense of wholeness. I will work on not feeling so alone, when I know that God is with me. That God is part of me.

Oh and Otis has a tumor and will be dying sooon. so there is that.

But God is bigger then this, bigger then all of this.

He will see me through. he will.