As we approach tomorrow, I begin to think about what I do have to be thankful for. In the midst of what is going on in my life, I do have to think am I thankful for this? Am I thankful that I have placed in one of the coldest falls that I have ever gone through? In the end, I am.

I am because I have grown. I have gained a whole new perspective on my life. I remember that I didn’t want to come home. I always thought that coming back to Iowa was kind of like giving up. But being here and seeing Nick. Driving around Des Monies and seeing the culture that is coming back. Sitting and talking with my brother and the rest of my family. It was a good sense of warmness. It was a good sense of ‘home.’ Using that word kind of hurts. I always used that word to describe our relationship. Our relationship was my home. But the foundation was cracked.  My home has changed now. And, I am starting to feel like I am ok with that. I mean, I miss her and miss our relationship, but at the same time, I am ok with letting it go. I am ready to move on because if it was truly meant to be, it will be. I am ok with losing and if it comes back, it comes back. I don’t hate her, but I’m not going to chase after her either. Life goes as life goes. God takes what God takes and gives what God will give. As for me, I’m going to be comfortable going where the wind blows me.

And I am thankful for that. I am thankful that God is with me through all of this. I am thankful that God loves me and that through friends, God has supported me.

And I am thankful for you Mandy. I am thankful parts of our relationship and our relationship in whole. You did bring a lot to me and I take a lot from our relationship. But I also realize that it did get broken. And I thank you for leaving me. I do mean that. I am thankful that you left me because, in the end, it pushed me on in my life. Though I do not know where I am going, I am going.

I always laughed, you always suggested the book “It’s a break up because its Broken” and you were right too. This was broken and I am thankful now, being out of it.

But standing here and looking of what you want and what you have done to me over the last couple months. And to think, that you think, that I didn’t fight for this? I spent two months fighting for us, but in those times, you were deaf to the fighting. You still wanted space and time. So now, when I hear you saying what you are saying…frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.